Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just forgot I was standing up.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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