my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
