I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
