i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
