I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Randomize