Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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