i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
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