people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
barbara walters just said penis...
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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