apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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