I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
