Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
