Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
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