THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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