well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
