so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
