i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
