Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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