he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
