the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
