"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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