The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
