do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
