My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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