I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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