i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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