I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I hate all girls vehemently.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
The power of my boobs compel you
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize