Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
