I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
vagina is talking i cant
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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