And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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