Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Acid is not a monday night drug
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
