You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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