What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
