he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
