I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
