I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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