I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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