Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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