Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
