I swear she didn't look like that last week.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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