Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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