One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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