just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize