I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
