i would punch a child for taco bell
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize