Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
