90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
