Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
