sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
