State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He did a backflip because drugs
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
