oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize