Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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