They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
