i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
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