dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
