drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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