got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
