What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
