If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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