you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
we're so committed to being not committed
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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