And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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