I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize