If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
