I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
