Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
