You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
you would pick up someone in the library
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
