So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
