Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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