Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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