My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
did you just send me my own nude
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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