It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
