He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize