i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
