so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize