Got a toothbrush?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
