So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
