just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize