I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
