I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize