Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
