my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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