I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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