The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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