The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
