i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
