Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
