whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
