Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
