Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
