I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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