Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
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