you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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