So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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