I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
