i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
