The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
